The drive home wasn’t too bad, rush hour was over and the traffic that was left on the freeway was moving along smoothly. Jason had not tried to reach her once today. The thought occurred that Jason could be home preparing dinner to make up for his lack of concern lately. That thought was immediately thwarted when the garage door opened and was empty.
“It was a long shot anyway…” Jessica said to herself. Once inside she went on with her routine over the past few months. First, look through the mail before heading upstairs to change, then back downstairs to start on dinner. Since it was late and there was no telling when Jason would be home, something simple and quick seemed the best option tonight. Standing in front of the fridge with the door wide open Jessica searched for something that looked appetizing to her. After a minute of standing there she realized it was useless, nothing looked appealing right now. She had no appetite. Aimlessly walking through the house trying to find something to occupy her time she finally gave up and headed upstairs to bed. Not feeling sleepy, she was still able to lie down to rest her head which was beginning to throb just slightly.
It was half past eight when Jason finally made it home. His footsteps echoed as he climbed up the stairs trying to be as quiet as possible. Once inside the room he tossed his jacket on the winged high backed chair that sat in the corner just to the left of the entryway. Assuming his wife was asleep Jason left the lights off in the room as he slowly but carefully walked to the restroom to jump in the shower. Jessica continued to lie quietly still as she listened to his muffled movements across the room. Jessica contemplated on whether to go talk to Jason as he showered or to wait until he came to bed. It was upsetting that they had not spoken once since they left for work early this morning. This had been the first day of their marriage that there had been no communication. Jason was busy at work, and this new case would absorb most of his time but it was strange that as a newlywed he had not thought of his wife once today.
When he had finally finished with his shower, which seemed to take a little longer than usual, Jessica was surprised again when he left the room headed back downstairs. She was sure he would come to bed to cuddle up next to her. It was possible that he was hungry and went down for a snack. It was very likely that he had not eaten since lunch, if he even took time out to have lunch. He was bound to be back within moments after a quick bite. Time tickled on and finally what seemed like ages, Jason joined his wife in bed reaching his arm out around her as he adjusted to get comfortable. The heavy sigh was apparent to him and he finally broke the silence.
“You awake?”
“I’m up…” she responded not turning over to face him.
“I didn’t wake you did I?” he asked with concern.
“No, I wasn’t asleep, just resting.”
“Good, cause I’ve missed you,” snuggling his nose beneath her ear before kissing her on the same spot. He was feeling frisky, which made Jessica feel relieved for some reason. When the soft moan escaped her throat Jason pulled her to face him before continuing his light kisses along her neck. With all else forgotten in the moment, Jessica let the mechanisms of his touch take over her mind and body and enjoyed the sweet bliss he was offering…
She awoke in a start feeling as if she were falling with nothing to grab onto. Dazed and trying to focus in the dark bedroom she glanced over to see what time it was. It was just after one in the morning and the weariness was pulling her back into a comfortable slumber. Snuggling deeper into the pillows, pulling the blankets closer around her shoulders is when she realized the vast king sized bed felt rather empty. Turning her head needing to visually see she was not mistaken that she was indeed alone in bed. Jessica sat up in bed fully alert now turning to see if Jason had gone to the restroom, but the light was off. Deciding to search for her husband and drag him back to bed, she pulled on her robe and headed downstairs.
Intending to head towards the kitchen, Jessica stopped at the bottom step of the stair case when she heard Jason’s voice coming from the office. Who is he talking to this late at night she wondered? The door was open slightly, enough to listen in but unable to view inside.
Jason laughed softly, “Do you now…” It felt like her heart had stalled as she recognized that tone of voice as his playful sexy one he often used with her these past few years. “Well, I think I can take care of that for you…” “I know I wish I was there too…” “Well, I could guide you. Just imagine it’s me there touching you…”
Jessica slid her back down the wall sitting on the bottom step, her heart shattered as it fell to the pit of her stomach. Nausea bubbled up into her throat as tears stung at her eyes. This couldn’t be real…it just wasn’t happening. Disbelief claimed her mind even as she continued to listen on while Jason gave his very intimate instructions to the person on the other end of the phone. There was no way for her to know how long she sat there, paralyzed by the painful words her husband was using with another. “That’s it baby, get loud for me…” Forced to hear every detail of his betrayal, pieces of her soul chipped away leaving her numb. “Just like I did to you at the hotel…” The only feeling was the throbbing at her temple from her mind screaming mercilessly. “Alright baby, get some rest for tomorrow…” “I miss you too…”
Those were his final words before ending the call. The tone was unmistakable, there was a satisfied smile lingering on his face as he quietly walked from the room, stopping short when he noticed his wife sitting on the step, head rested back against the wall with eyes closed. The audible gasp escaped Jason causing anger to flare up inside Jessica’s body. “Jess, what are you doing?”
Opening her eyes she took in the sight of the man she loved, the man she wanted to spend her life with, have children and grow old together. His wide eyes and pale skin were easily visible even with the dim light that shone through the glass of the French doors from the porch.
“Jess…” he said again apparently unable to move himself.
With a voice unrecognizable to her own ears she finally spoke, “Who is she?” Jason tried to compose himself standing upright, inhaling deeply as he struggled to come up with a feasible lie.
“What?” Nothing was coming to him, mind blank.
“WHO IS SHE?” Jessica yelled out becoming more incensed by every second that passed. He stood there without saying a word, with no response. “JASON!”
“What?” It was the only word he was capable of mouthing. Her tear stricken face hardened as she jumped up to face him eye to eye.
“Damn it Jason! Tell me NOW!”
“Jess, calm down,” he finally said raising his hands up trying to take control of a bad situation.
“Don’t tell me to calm down! I want to know who you were talking to,” Jessica bellowed as she backed away when he reached out for her.
“It was nothing. Just let it go, alright.” Jason’s refusal to answer her just added fuel to the fire as she watched him run his hand over his face becoming weary after the preliminary shock of being discovered. “Come on, let’s just to bed. It’s late and we’re both really tired.”
“Don’t touch me,” jerking away from his grasp once again. “So you’re not going to answer me or what?”
“What do you want me to say, Jess?” Jason was becoming enraged himself. Why wouldn’t she just drop it like he asked?
“I want you to tell me the truth! Who were you talking to?”
Sighing again, he started up the stairs as he avoided the question again, “Just stop, Jess. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m going to bed. If you want to come too then fine, but I’m not going to argue with you. It’s late and I have a busy day tomorrow.”
“Of course you do. I heard all about it. Is it someone from the office?” Jessica demanded as she followed him back to the room. Jason went straight to the bed and flinched when she flipped on the bright lights.
“Come on, Jess! I said I’m tired. There’s nothing to say so just DROP IT!” Jason yelled back.
“How dare you raise your voice at me…You’re the one that’s in the wrong here! Don’t treat me like I’m some stupid girl. I heard you, Jason. I heard you…” and the tears began to fall once again. Jason walked over to the chair she had just collapsed in and knelt down at her knees. Trying to force her hands away from her face to look into her tormented eyes then he finally started to feel remorse over hurting his wife.
“Jessica, look at me…please. There’s nothing to cry about honey. I’m sorry, I promise you, I love you and only you.” He really meant what he said. He did love his wife. This thing he had going on with Robyn didn’t mean anything. He wasn’t in love with her. It was just sex to take their minds off of the stress at work. He felt there was no need to go into detail and hurt Jessica any further with this. “Please honey, let’s go to bed. Let me show you how much I love you.” He started placing kisses at the tip of her knee moving slowing up to her thigh. “Oww,” he grunted in pain.
Jessica had a handful of his hair, pulling his lips away from her skin, disgusted by his touch. “I said don’t touch me! And don’t give me your lies. Don’t deny what I know I heard. I know there’s someone else.”
“Damn it Jess! Calm your ass down! I told you I loved you, isn’t that enough? What do you want from me?” Jason was really irritated now. Why did she have to keep nagging about it?
“Apparently that’s not enough since you’re seeing someone else!”
“I’m not ‘seeing’ her, alright…” he took in a deep breath, “It was just to clear my mind at work. It meant nothing.”
“Clear your mind? Jason, that’s what I’m here for…we have always had a good communication. I just don’t understand why you would do this…How could you hurt me like this? Hurt us?” Didn’t they talk about everything? And it’s not like he was desperate for sex, they were still newlyweds for crying out loud.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Jess.” Jason seemed to have calmed down after that hair pulling incident.
“But you did…how could you think something like this wouldn’t have hurt me?”
“I wasn’t thinking. She was just there…she made herself available to me. I guess I was just weak. I’m sorry…”
“Why? I never turn you down, why would you go to someone else? Was it just to have something different?” It just didn’t make sense to her. Why would he be weak if he had it available at home whenever he wanted? Why would he need a change so early in their marriage? And what would this mean when they had been together for 10 years rather than 3 months? Or 20…even 30 years? “I can’t believe this is happening. I keep thinking I’m going to wake up any minute but it is real.”
“Don’t worry, it’s over. I won’t hurt you again. I love you, Jess. I swear to you, you won’t have to worry, I won’t do it again.” His head was hung low and it was hard to wonder if he seemed to be so saddened because he had hurt her or if it was because he was giving up his mistress.
“That’s not good enough. How can I trust you after what you’ve done? I don’t even want you touching me knowing you touched someone else the same way you touch me. No, Jason, I can’t let it go and just not worry…”
“Then tell me what I have to do…What will it take to get back what we had?” With all of his apologies there’s something in his voice that didn’t seem very sincere when he said that last part.
“I honestly don’t know.”
“I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. Ask me your questions,” he said with firm conviction.
“Who is she?” This was the first thing Jessica wanted to know. Who was this home wrecking bitch that slept with her husband?
Jason looked uncomfortable, as well he should be. He deserved to be embarrassed over what he did. “It was Robyn.”
“From the office…that brunette you work with on every freaking case you have been involved in since you started working there? That’s the Robyn you’re talking about?” Unbelievable, they had met before, even socialized together.
“Yes. But I swear I’m telling you the truth when I say it was nothing.” It was easy for him to say this now after the fact.
“How long has this been going on?”
“Just after the Donaldson case, so about two maybe three weeks. I know your next question is going to be how did it happen, who started it? Well, after the win we all went out to celebrate. We had a lot to drink that evening and it just happened. I was going to put an end to it right after that night but she came on to me and it made me feel good about myself, like I still had something. I knew it was wrong but then she kept coming back for more. I was an idiot.”
His words were like a knife through the heart. “You were with her tonight? Is that why you were late?”
“Yes.” It was a simple answer but that one word demolished the thin barrier Jessica had created with her anger as heart wrenching sobs spilled out. Jason wanted to go to her, hold her in his arms to take the pain he created away but knew she would not welcome his touch. So he continued to sit on the edge of the bed, head hung low unable to see the torment she was going through.
“You’ve been having sex with her then come home and sleep with me? How could you do that? Do you realize how disgusting that is?” This was just sick. Didn’t he even think about the risks he was putting her in? Who knows what he could have brought home and had given her?
“I always made sure I showered first. I wouldn’t come to our bed dirty like that.” Like that was supposed to make a difference, put her at ease. He was crazy to think that would help in anyway.
“So I’m assuming that since you were drunk that first time you weren’t using protection. Did you ever use any precautions?” This answer was going to be difficult to hear. She had a feeling she already knew the answer.
“No,” he said simply.
“Was she better than me?” Jessica’s throat felt constricted.
“No! Of course not, Jess. With you, it’s wonderful. I can’t even begin to explain it.” Jason finally looked directly at her. This was the obvious answer, the answer he had to give, truth behind it or not. “Jess, come to bed now. It’s late, we can finish this tomorrow. I want you to get some rest.”
“No, I can’t sleep. You go ahead. I’ll be in the spare room.” Jessica stood up ready to get some space from him and from this room where they had spent nothing but happy nights until now. Jason walked over, wrapping his arms around her trapping her arms to her sides. Jessica felt no emotion at this point. She was just a hollow shell of what she used to be.
“Jess, honey, I do love you. I will find a way to make this up to you somehow. I promise I won’t put you through this again.”
Jessica left the room after that without another word. Exhaustion set in making her body feel heavy although sleep would deprive her of this night. There were just too many things to think about. Could she really trust him after this? It was obvious Jason was upset that he hurt her this way. Jessica lay on the bed in the spare guest room staring into nothingness. They still had so much to discuss, so much to overcome. And there was the question did she really want to overcome this and stay with him?
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